Sex is everywhere and this means your teen is exposed to it in one way or another whether on TV, in music lyrics or among their peers. Children often are intrigued about sex well before their teen years. Once they reach their teen years, many are already engaging in sex and some have become young parents. In society, sex is often seen as a reactional activity or viewed as ‘everyone’s doing it’ more so than an act of love and commitment between two people that requires a great deal of responsibility. How can you encourage your teen to wait on sex in a society that pushes sex so much?
Importance of Values
Discuss with your teen the importance of values. Openly discuss with them how it is against your family beliefs for people to engage in casual sex or sex before marriage. Be detailed about your beliefs and the benefits of following those beliefs.
Set an example for your teen. For example, if you are single and dating again, don’t have people coming in and out of your house that could give the impression you are engaging in casual sex and view it differently than you want your teen to view it.
Talk About What Surrounds a Teen
Take the time to listen to the music your teen listens to. Discuss the lyrics that are being played in the songs. Some of today’s music is explicit and very sexual, without much love or true caring involved. Ask your teen’s opinion of the lyrics. Calmly offer your feelings and thoughts and how some music and lyrics can be a negative force.
When a sexual scene or message is on a show you are watching, make a comment about the effects and consequences that could happen and are in proportion to your beliefs. For example, if the there is a scene of two people heavy kissing and heading toward a casual sex situation, you could turn that into a dialogue with your teen.
Talk about Your Experiences
Share with your teen what you learned from your experiences as a teen until present time. You don’t have to provide all the nitty gritty and personal details. Just let them know what you learned from experience, both positive and negative. Did you have regrets looking back? Were you happy with the choices you made? What would you do differently with the knowledge you have now? Have your beliefs changed from when you were a teen and now as an adult?
Teens often say, ‘you did it Mom and Dad so why can’t I”. They need to understand why your experiences and beliefs changed from when you were a teen to how you are at present time and how your experiences help you guide them to to a better path.
Don’t Condemn Friends that are Sexually Active
If you find out your teen’s friends are sexually active, don’t condemn them. Focus on the positive about your teen. Let your teen know how proud you are of them for not giving in to peer pressure.
Comment on how you hope the friend doesn’t later have regrets and the possible things that could happen by engaging in sex at such an early age. Express concern for the teen for making the inappropriate choices for their age. Your teen is more likely to listen if you are not putting down their friends, but showing genuine and valid concern.
Talk Openly about Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Consequences
Discuss with your teen the different sexually transmitted diseases. Even safe sex can be risky. There are many different types of illnesses and diseases your teen should be aware of – some, which can be deadly.
It’s important for your teen to understand that sex in the real world is not like it’s portrayed in the glamorized Hollywood movies. It shouldn’t be taken lightly, but should be held as a beautiful union between two adults who are mature, genuinely in love and ready for the responsibility.
Your teen should know that, not only can sex lead to diseases, but also unplanned pregnancy. Even one time of having sex can lead to pregnancy. Teens often feel this will never happen to them, but too often it does.
Sexual encounters that teens engage in, may or may not have had anything to do with love and caring. Yet, huge decisions and responsibilities can follow. The teen is faced with the fear of telling their parents, the decision of whether to have the baby, the emotional pain of possibly going through with an abortion or the huge responsibility of having the baby and putting their education and youth on the back burner.
Encourage your teen to ask you questions. Talk, discuss and influence, instead of lecturing. Remember…teens often say things or ask specific questions that may have a shock affect. Don’t blow up! Wait and focus on the topic at hand. It takes patience and continuous involvement to help guide your teen.
Written by Kate