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How to Get Your Teen Off The Computer

July 22, 2011 By Leave a Comment

If you’re reading this, you’re probably looking for some ways to get your teen off the computer. Maybe they spend all their time on Facebook. Perhaps they are addicted to an online game. Or maybe you can’t get your daughter off webcam with her boyfriend long enough to sit down for a family dinner.

I have a few teen-friendly (and parent approved) tips to get your child off the computer.

To give a little background info, I’m technically [still] a teen. Sure, my mom doesn’t control my computer use anymore – but when I was younger, we had lots of little battles over my computer use. I was [and still am] really into an online game called World of Warcraft. So while I’m speaking mostly from the teen’s point of view, I did clear my ideas with some parents. Here they are:

Ask us what we want. This one is pretty straight-forward. Ask your teen what motivates him or her (and believe me, most teens KNOW what they [think] they want.) If you find that your son is hurting for a little extra cash, and not world domination, you may be able to “bribe” him to get off the computer.
We like $ $ $ . While this may seem obvious, some parents don’t immediately get that money motivates most teens. Other parents may feel that “bribing” your teenager to spend some time off of Facebook is not an appropriate way to spend money. I don’t have a great response to that, albeit to tell you this: I’m not suggesting you give your teen a fortune, and I’m not going to say a set amount, but many teens work, and so a little extra cash is always nice.
In the teenage mind, the computer belongs to its primary user. I’m going to say the teen is under 18 in this case, which is probably the case with most parents reading this. People under 18 don’t *officially* have any “property” under our government, and so *technically*, everything in your (the parent’s) house belongs to you (the parent.) The point I’m trying to make is that if the teenager uses the computer all the time, and you rarely ever use it, they consider it to be (at least in part) theirs. I say this regardless of whether it is the teen’s personal laptop or the family computer in the common room. It’s just the way our brains function. Is this a bad thing? Well, it depends on the way you look at it. To the teen, it’s probably a good thing. To the parent, well…not so much. Because of the way teens tend to regard their machines, I urge you not to take it away all of sudden without notice.
Don’t just yank the computer away. If you have tried bargaining with your teen to spend more time with the family, but it just isn’t working – don’t just yank the computer. I cannot stress this one enough. Some parents will get into a fit of rage at their teen over whatever, and then exact their punishment by taking the teen’s computer. The teen, feeling justified because their parent has “stolen” something of theirs, then strikes back at the parent. A war of retaliation is begun that does not end well for either party.
If you plan to take it away, do it gradually –and compensate us. Doing it gradually does not mean that you just got into a huge fight with your son or daughter and announce to them that you will be taking their computer away at promptly noon tomorrow. Did you give them notice? Yes. Was it gradual? No. Did you think about your actions ahead of time? Probably not. Just because your teenager spends lots of time on the computer, and you’re sick of it, don’t just decide to take it away. I would actually recommend counseling (having been there myself) for the two of you. If you do decide on counseling, get an un-biased medical professional with at least some experience working with teens on the subject of internet/computer addiction. The first counselor my mother ever got me was a middle-aged woman who had never heard of iTunes. And I was going there because my mother had decided to move my computer to a central location from my room (see next tip). I was not pleased. If you do decide to take away your teen’s computer, I would recommend stating it kindly and then offering to do something for your teen or giving them a new opportunity in return. The opportunity should be something akin to your teen’s interest (i.e. joining a book club for a bookworm-ish teenager.) And although some teens may receive this kindly, others will not. Be prepared for a blow-up on the part of your teen. After all, how would you feel if someone was taking away your favorite thing to do?
So you wouldn’t mind having your daughter’s desktop computer in the living room. This one is a little tricky. Are you planning to allow the whole family (including your teen’s little sister who she thinks is annoying) use it? Or would it be for your teen’s personal use? To go back to the girl who is always on webcam with her boyfriend example, she probably would not be too happy that her parents could see and hear everything she typed and said on the computer. If you are moving it because you are concerned about what she is DOING on the computer – well, that’s another story…err, article. Check out the end of this particular article for info about that.

Thanks for reading! I hope these little tips helped. Stay tuned; I’m going to write another article (from the teen’s point of view) about ways to monitor what your teen is doing online, and steps to take if you don’t like your results.

Written by Skyrra
Nerdy Chick :P

Raise healthy, confident teenagers; learn the two musts for parenting teenagers in this free DIY teen psychology video from a professional life coach and experienced youth counselor. Expert: Jason Wittman Bio: Jason Wittman received his master of professional studies degree in counseling psychology from Cornell university. Since the mid-1980s, he has had a private practice as a Life Coach. Filmmaker: Nili Nathan

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Introducing Slow Parenting Teens

July 22, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Are you worried about your tween turning into one of those scary teens? Are you tired of fighting with you teens? Are you interested in establishing a respectful and sustainable relationship with your teen or tween?  Are you willing to make some changes? Welcome to slow parenting teens.  We have a plan for creating calm, fun, and satisfying relationships with your tweens and teens.

Our culture tells us that the teenage years are real trouble, that they are the worst, and that teens are impossible. Teens are moody, unpredictable, unreliable, disrespectful, and unconcerned about anyone but themselves. We don’t think so. Their physiology is changing, and often parents are convinced that they will be lucky to manage their teens’ behavior and keep them alive until they are 18.  But what is really happening is that teens are pushing against parents’ fears and expectations in a new, stronger way.

Parents need to adapt.

Teens are significantly more autonomous, their friends are often more important than family, and parents have less information about their social lives.  You may be able to call them on their cell phones, but you don’t know that they are where they say they are.  They have more freedom; you have less control.  These changes trigger any parent’s fears.  Since you can’t really manage their behavior, you need to manage your fears.  That is the first step in adapting.

When parents are unwilling to adapt, they parent from the fast end of the continuum.  They have a relationship with their teens that is shut down, defensive, secretive, argumentative, and angry.

And they are exhausted. This is fast parenting.

To more toward slow parenting teens, parents must answer the question, “What are you afraid of?”  When parents answer this question fully and honestly, they move toward the slow end of the parenting continuum.  They move beyond what they fear for their teens and own that they are afraid of for themselves.  They discover how teen’s behavior brings up fears for themselves.  With that understanding, parents are able to be more thoughtful about their relationship with their teens. Slow parenting teens shows parents how to know what is going on with their teens. These parents talk with their teens, their teens value their parents’ opinions, these parents look forward to spending time with their teens, and these parents trust their teen’s judgment.

In a nutshell, fast parenting is about the parents’ agenda, and it is motivated by their fears; slow parenting is about the teenagers’ development, and it is motivated by complete acceptance of the teen.  In fast parenting, the parents have the authority, make the decisions, and confer judgments. In slow parenting, parents and children discuss, ask questions, experiment, and revise their ideas. Fast parenting focuses on the situation at hand, and slow parenting focuses on long term relationships.  Fast parenting is reactive; slow parenting is patient and responsive. Fast parenting tends to be punitive; slow parenting tends to be supportive. Fast parents fit parenting into their schedule; slow parents arrange their schedule around their parenting.  Slow parenting is a positive response to the epidemic of fast parenting.

Slow parenting teens is about more than time management; it requires a change of attitude.  After some soul searching questions to get at your fears and true motivators in parenting, you will be ready to apply five attitudes to your relationship with your teens.  The result will be a calmer, happier, and more satisfying relationship for you and your teen. As Joy V.  from Colorado put it, “Slow parenting has shown me that if  I want a closer relationship with my teenagers, I have to go inward and listen to my own fears so that I don’t project them on my teens.”

Marti Woodward has a master’s degree in Guidance and Counseling. She is a single mom of three, teen-aged girls.She worked in the field of adolescent addictions as well as designed and implemented a family program for at-risk adolescents. Marti has trained executives and supervisors and facilitated workshops for a variety of organizations. As a coach, Marti has continued to specialize in adolescent and family issues. Molly Wingate brings to Slow Parenting Teens, her practice as a parent and an educator. Molly co-parents her two, teen-aged sons with her husband, Brian Murphy. They have a two-career, two-station wagon, traditional, nuclear family. She taught high school and college students (all teenagers) for over twenty years before starting a writing consulting business. She has a B.A.and M.A. in English literature. Both of them are a collaborator in Parent eSource.

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Allstate’s Interactive Parent-Teen Driving Contract Could Be the Gift that Helps Save Teens’ Lives

July 22, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Article by Chris D

12/10/2007 – NORTHBROOK, Ill.

Throughout the dangerous holiday driving season, hundreds of teen drivers will be involved in automobile accidents. Allstate Insurance Company urges parents to give a gift that could help their teens arrive home safely for the holidays by completing a parent-teen driving contract available at allstate.com/teen.

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), December 23 and 24 are two of the four deadliest days for drivers. Data shows teens are more likely to be involved in accidents than more experienced drivers. Teen drivers between the ages of 16 to 20 were involved in approximately 900 vehicle crashes in the month of December, 2006 alone.

As parents across the country fulfill teens’ holiday wish lists, Allstate is encouraging them to make its Interactive Parent-Teen Driving Contract a complement to the popular handheld gadgets they’ll be giving. Cell phones, video game units, MP3 players and other popular mobile devices create distractions for teens behind the wheel. Using these devices while driving is especially dangerous during a season in which traffic is heavier, and in many parts of the country weather conditions are adverse.

“For more than 10 years now, car crashes have been the No. 1 killer of teens, and the holiday season is a very dangerous time for teen drivers,” said George E. Ruebenson, president, Allstate Protection, Allstate Insurance Company. “Allstate believes this statistic must change. Our Interactive Parent-Teen Driving Contract helps parents initiate a meaningful dialogue with their teens about the importance of being responsible behind the wheel of a car.”

The contract, available at allstate.com/teen, is the centerpiece of a national awareness campaign which enables parents to comfortably discuss safe-driving practices. A recent study published by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development indicates intervention materials, including a parent-teen driving agreement for newly licensed drivers reduces high-risk driving behaviors.

The contract includes ‘agreements’ and ‘consequences’ for eight categories, including: speeding and tickets; time of day; crashes; number of passengers; drinking and driving; seatbelts; cell phones / music / other distractions and grades.

“Instead of giving your teen a gift they might return, make time to talk about safe driving principles and give the gift that makes sure they will return,” said Vicky Dinges, Allstate assistant vice president of Public Social Responsibility and mother of a teen driver.

While the Allstate Parent-Teen Driving Contract provides a great holiday gift, as well as an effective tool to promote safe teen driving, the holiday season is also the perfect time of year for parents to model safe driving behavior when they are operating an automobile. According to a recent survey by The Allstate Foundation, 89 percent of teens say their parents are influential in encouraging safer driving. Studies show teens are more likely to put down the phone and MP3 player, wear a seat belt and follow the rules of the road if they see their parents do the same.

Since its launch, the Allstate Teen Safe Driving campaign has generated endorsement of celebrities including Hall of Fame pro-football legend John Elway; Jason Wade, lead singer of the multi-platinum band Lifehouse; and NASCAR driver Kasey Kahne. Elway, a father of four and now a high school football coach, recently partnered with Allstate on a national education campaign to motivate parents to “start the conversation” with their teens. Wade’s song, “From Where You Are,” serves as the soundtrack to Allstate’s teen safe driving commercial, “Tail Lights,” which will be featured in movie theaters across the country in late December. In recent months, Kasey Kahne has visited schools to help educate teens about the dangers of unsafe driving practices and encourage them to speak with their parents about the issue.

The Allstate Foundation has been focused on teen driving as a priority since 2005. The program is designed to make smart driving socially acceptable to teens by surrounding them with messages that help change the way they think and act when in a car. The Allstate Foundation is an independent, private, non-profit organization funded by subsidiaries of The Allstate Corporation.

The Allstate Corporation (NYSE: ALL) is the nation’s largest publicly held personal lines insurer. Widely known through the “You’re In Good Hands With Allstate®” slogan, Allstate helps individuals in approximately 17 million households protect what they have today and better prepare for tomorrow through approximately 14,600 exclusive agencies and financial representatives in the U.S. and Canada. Customers can access Allstate products and services such as auto insurance and homeowners insurance through Allstate agencies, or in select states at allstate.com and 1-800 Allstate®. Encompass® and Deerbrook® Insurance brand property and casualty products are sold exclusively through independent agents. The Allstate Financial Group provides life insurance, supplemental accident and health insurance, annuity, banking and retirement products designed for individual, institutional and worksite customers that are distributed through Allstate agencies, independent agencies, financial institutions and broker-dealers.

Contact:Laura Strykowski(847) 402-5600

For more information visit Allstate Insurance Digital Newsroom

Chris D is an advocate for Allstate Insurance.

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